Well, I don't fully know what to say to you all right now. Thanks for how supportive and loving you have all been. My time may be coming to an end, but I want everybody to know how much your kindness has meant to me.
I do actually have Leukemia. No lab errors this time. My doctors said that I've got 2 to 3 months to live. Believe me, I'm gonna fight like hell for a couple extra months so that I can hold my babies. That's all I'm asking for. Sometimes it feels like it's too much that I'm asking for. Nevertheless, it remains my goal.
They are discontinuing all treatments. They say that my body cannot handle anymore and that the leukemia will likely be what kills me. I guess it completely destroys your immune system and infections eventually get you. I've got a painful few months ahead of me, but I'll face them with as much courage as I can muster.
Dr. Chandramouli e-mailed Dr. Einhorn (for those who don't know, the world's leading TC doctor) to see if he has any advice to offer and he agrees with my local doctors. This is what he said, "I am currently in AZ and I do not have his E-mail address. This is very tragic. He has fought a long and courageous battle, but in my opinion, with the acute leukemia, there would be more harm than benefit in any further type of therapy. I am truly sorry."
My doctor said that there is around a 1 to 2% chance that a patient who has received Etoposide will develop leukemia around 10 years after treatments. He can't even begin to calculate the odds of me getting it while still on treatments. Neither can any doctor who has heard of this situation. Never in my whole career, they say. That's always been me, creating new boundaries I guess. :(
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I wish it wasn't always bad news that I had. I hope I can feel good enough to do some of the things that I've always wanted to do with my last months. Holding my babies being the #1 priority. I know I can outlast the time frame that these doctors have given me. Wish me luck, pray, send good vibes, or whatever it is that you do that I'll be able to hold and kiss my little children. I could rest in peace if I have that moment.
Karen and I will most likely get a second opinion on this. We want to see if maybe there is someone out there that thinks they can do something to slow down these cancers. Again, thank you everybody.
Love,
Sean
Friday, May 28, 2010
Kind of a Tragic Day For Us......
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28 comments:
Sorry man. Enjoy the time with your family.
~ Cruise'n
You and Karen have my family's prayers.
Melanie
Your four are in our prayers. We are thinking about you often and hope the best for you!!
Sean, there are no words.
Actually there are a few I'd like to use right now, but since this is a family blog, I'm going to refrain.
I am so proud of you, and admire your courage through all of this adversity...I am not sure why you have been asked to carry this burden? It's very hard to make sense of it, and wrap my head around it.
Many times over the past few months I have tried to imagine myself in your situation, and I think I would have given up long ago. We could all learn a lot from your perseverance, optimism, and bravery. For lack of a better word, thank you for being a HERO to so many people.
You deserve to have a long and happy life, enjoy spending time with your sweetheart, and be able to hold your children. I can only guess that someday you will do all of those things - whether it is here, or in the next life.
You know you have always held a special place in my heart. I love your humor, and your candor, and all the quirky things that make you Sean. Thank you for being YOU.
Stay strong for a little while longer. Love, and love, and more LOVE, to you and Karen.
Mike, Megan & Peter
Tears are steaming down my face. Our family will be praying for you, as we already have been. Stay stong and make the most of the time you have left. Write a letter for your babies, they will treasure it forever. But don't give up yet! Miracles do happen! Love/Karolina (my mom is married to your uncle Richard and we met a year and a half ago if you remember...)
Please don't ever apologize for sharing with everyone here, Sean. I so wish that your dreams come true and that you get to hold your babies. With your stamina and determination, you will.
Hope you feel well enough to come down Monday to the BBQ. Love you guys...
Sean, we are all behind you all the way, to the bitter end if that is what it must be. I have no doubts that you can find a way, if nothing else, your incredible will and determination, to hold those kids.
You have touched the hearts, minds and souls of so many, more than you could ever know. I have a 10 year old and 7 year old that know who you are and ask about you on a regular basis.
The fact that after all this you are still holding your head up high and your shoulders are squared to take on this next challenge, is a testament to not only your character, but your legacy.
I think a second opinion is a must, and at this point investigating things like Traditional Chinese Medicine are things you should pursue.
We are with you all the way.
Hugs,
Zsolt (Aegean)
When I was told yesterday about your awful news, I was @ wk on my lunch break sitting in my truck. After this call, the sky got VERY DARK, it started POURING DOWN RAIN, LIGHTENING WAS POPPING & CRACKING ALL AROUND ME, THE THUNDER WAS SO LOUD! It was like the Heaven's opened up & Heavenly Father KNEW how much of a Heartbreak this would be for EVERYONE that knows & loves you. You're ALL in our thoughts & prayers. PLZ give XTRA hugs to your sweet Karen, your Parents & Sisters, Karen's Parents & her family, ALL of your Mom's huge family (The TENNEY family) & all your friends that love you. I wish we could be there to hug you too. PLZ STAY STRONG SEAN! You & Karen have 2 little miracles growing in her tummy, I pray for
1 more miracle...We Love You, Aunt Laura, Grandpa Matella, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Dawn & the rest of your family
May you get the desires of your heart. We love you and will continue to pray for you....
Sean, Karen, Taff and Jeff, Nat and Steph, & everyone
Our hearts are broken and there are no words. I wish you were here right now so I could hug you all and tell you how much I love you. I know that God lives and life can be extended through faith in Him - if we are not appointed unto death. We hope to see you Monday and maybe forget about this for awhile.
We're all pulling for you Aiel!! You are an extremely strong individual, and you don't deserve this. I wish I could help somehow. You probably don't even know me, but I've read your story, and you seem WAAAAYYYYY too normal on the forums for somebody that's going through this shit. Keep fighting, bro!
You will hold your babies :) No doubt about that! I've been reading your blog for sometime now, and your stronger than I think your getting credit for! Everyday keep on fighting! Miracles DO happen everyday! And I will pray and keep you and your family in my thoughts :)
Your babies will be soo proud of their daddy!and they will know that you fought soo hard for them!
Sean, you are an inspiration to so many people. I will continue to pray for you, as well as your family. Don't ever give up. I know you'll hold those babies of yours.
You're in my prayers bro.
Heartbroken for all of you. Love you so much and admire your strength and courage! May the Lord watch over, protect, and comfort you in this very difficult time! LOVE YOU!
Carl and Melanie
Call this place and tell them about your case and see if they think they can do anything to extend your time long enough to hold the twins. I have known some people who had cancer (different types) and who had great success in extending their time significantly. I don't promise anything, but you can always ask the staff at this place for their opinion.
Whatever happens from here, I hope you'll take some time to write and record messages for your kids as they grow up. They have a lot to learn from you.
Man...I do not want to give false hope. I stumbled upon this but I feel like I have to say this. You may have already discussed this option. Look into stem cell therapy (cord blood--perfectly ethical) and what China's medical community has been doing. Find out if this is an option for you. Again, I do not want to give any false hope. God bless.
You hang on, you S.O.B. You hang on until those babies get there.
Sean,
I will hold Devine space and love for you to hold your twins! I am moved , touched, and inspired by your immaculate courage to love.Ester Hicks has some beautiful videos on youtube you may be interested in watching. If yoiu go to youtube, enter " Ester Hicks" and clik on any of her videos, that appeal to you, and experience the beauty of her messages. I hope this helps.
In Devine Love and appreciation
Brad.
Hey, I've never met you and I only heard of your story because of my lurking through the OTL Lounge at Team Xbox. I've checked your blog from time to time and I have to say that the strength you and your wife have shown through this experience is amazing and inspiring. You have been through more than anyone should ever have to deal with, at such a young age to boot, but the grace and courage you have shown through this rollercoaster ride is real proof of the strong and resilient person you are. I know that if anyone can hold on and exceed the expectations, you can. And no matter what happens, your children will know their father is a strong and courageous person. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I just read an updated FB status of one of Sean's cousins.
My condolences to Karen and family. Prayers of strength and comfort to all of you.
Your news has made my heart break. You are so young to be asked to endure so much. Time for a family and friend fast, not to mention your names placed in the temple for extra prayers. May your family receive those exrta blessing.
OUR DEAR, SWEET SEAN WENT HOME TO BE WITH HIS SAVIOR AND TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL TWINS WHILE THEY ARE STILL WITH OUR FATHER. HE PASSED AWAY QUIETLY AND PEACEFULLY SURROUNDED BY THE LOVE OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE FOLLOWED HIS BLOG, WHO HAVE FOUGHT THIS BATTLE RIGHT BESIDE HIM. HE LOVED AND APPRECIATED YOU ALL! HE WAS BRAVE TO THE END, THE SPIRIT WAS STRONG, BUT THE BODY WAS WEAK.
THERE'S NO MORE PAIN SEAN AND NOW YOU CAN REST IN PEACE. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SON, BROTHER, AND FRIEND! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN OUR HEARTS!
SEAN MICHAEL MARTELLA WENT HOME ON MAY 31, 2010 AT 12:51 AM. YOU WILL BE MISSED GREATLY!
I'm a friend of Heather English. I've been following Sean's blog. It's beyond impressive how he and his beautiful wife handled this whole thing. I know that Sean is more alive than we are, and he will be close to his babies. Love and prayers from the Proulx Family.
We may never know the "why." But Sean, you know who. Our God is mighty. You may have not got your healing here on earth. But at 12:53 a.m. you got your complete healing, new body, no cancer, no pain and suffering and no tears in heaven. God is the God of the living, and you have received your eternal life. He is the Father to the fatherless. He loves your babies. Love, in Jesus Arlene
It's well beyond the appropriate time frame for me to write on this BLOG this morning, but I don't recall ever seeing some of these writings and now I'm up and reading them as I have gone through an entire box of Kleenex. The hard part to this is the simple fact that I'm your father and never really got to say "goodbye my son!"
Your Comatose state took over in the early morning hours of 5/29 and you never regained consciousness after that and then we said our final goodbyes on the day/evening of 5/30 and then held you while you passed away quietly the following morning at 12:53am with No more pain and No more suffering!
You were able to play with all 3 of your little girls before they come to earth for us to have time with them where we will and have loved them (twins are 5 now and Audrey will be 2 next month) since their birth. Karen is a great mother as I knew she would be and while you are not apart of their lives physically on earth, we can see your spirit in them as if you were in front of me playing like they do...thank you for those tender mercies Father!
I have so much more to say, but I'll leave my entry here as such and continue writing your story in another format since you are so deserving of a father's tribute...I will always miss you Seany and know that I will always await your presence via the Holy Ghost whenever you feel like visiting which I hope is often as I need to feel of your spirit as often as possible...oh yeah, don't forget your Mother and sisters as well!
Take Care pal...Love Ya, Fathra jef
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