This morning at 12:51 am, my beloved Sean passed away from complications due to testicular cancer and leukemia. At the hospital, he received a brain CT scan that showed numerous and wide-spread lesions throughout his brain (mets from his testicular cancer) that had bled (an issue that can be caused by low platelet counts-a symptom of leukemia) into his brain causing swelling. This came as a sudden and great shock to me and the rest of our families as we were only beginning to prepare ourselves to deal with the news he had just received on Friday. We truly thought we had more time.
Because of the bleeding that was going on in his brain, Sean's consciousness and coherency declined rapidly between late Saturday night and early Sunday morning. He wasn't making much sense when he would give me answers to the questions I would ask, but one thing amazes me. I was able to tell Sean that I love him once during the chaos of Sunday morning, and he looked at me with his bright blue eyes and I knew that he fully understood what that meant, and he was able to tell me that he loves me too. I'm so grateful that this was the last thing he was able to say to me.
The morning was extremely traumatic and he declined extremely fast. He was given a room in the Neuro ICU unit at IMC and had to be intubated in order to keep him breathing. He went from showing slight to sluggish responsiveness, to being completely unresponsive. The doctors told me that the swelling and bleeding in his brain was too devastating and he would not recover. They said that while he was not able to communicate to us, he could still hear us and they encouraged us to speak to him, even while he was in his coma.
We were very blessed to be visited in the hospital by Sean's family, and many many friends. After everyone had left late into the night, each of us in his family took at turn alone with him telling him our goodbyes, and early Monday morning, we took Sean off life support. He was so ready to go back home to our Lord in Heaven, and he died quickly, peacefully and pain-free after such a painful yet heroic battle with testicular cancer, surrounded by his family, and in my arms.
Our family takes peace in knowing that Sean is at peace now and is no longer in any pain. We are extremely saddened at the way this ended and wish we had just one more day with him. We know that he is in Heaven with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and is waiting to meet us all there someday.
There is an enormous hole in my soul that can only be filled by Sean. He is the love of my life, my best friend, my darling husband, and the father of my children. I will always love him--more and more each day. He is my soul-mate and perfect match, and I will love him in this life until the day I die and see him again in Heaven. His children will know what an amazing man their father was, and even though he never got to meet them in this life, we know that the power of God is endless and that all of his dreams are being fulfilled.
Please, when you remember Sean, remember his amazing strength of character, his loving and giving heart, and his adorably charismatic smile. Remember his sense of humor, and the love that flowed from him. Don't remember the pain that he went through for so long because that is no longer a part of who he is. Our families and I will miss him immensely, and will try each day to live for him. Please check back here by tomorrow for details on his funeral services. Thanks to everyone who followed him here on this blog. Everyone meant so much to him and he loved all of you.
I love you so much Honey, and I can't wait until we can be together again.
I love you
I love you
I love you
Monday, May 31, 2010
at 10:40 AM